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“Even in otherwise seemingly communicative and caring partnerships, some men seemed to push to have anal sex with their reluctant partner despite believing it likely to hurt her (although it should also be noted that other men said they avoided anal sex because they believed it might hurt their partners).“Persuasion of women was a feature to a greater or lesser degree of most men's and women's narratives about anal sex events, with repeated, emphatic requests from men commonly mentioned.For most people the trick is getting to full penetration over a period of several sessions.To begin, gently inserting a finger can help to get you used to the sensation of having something inside your anus.The interviewed young people rarely spoke of anal sex “in terms of mutual exploration of sexual pleasure”, while condoms were also often not used.

Any painful sensation is usually a warning sign that something is wrong and isn’t working, but when done with care it is no more messy or difficult than other sexual practices.“Women seemed to take for granted that they would either acquiesce to or resist their partners’ repeated requests, rather than being equal partners in sexual decision-making.Being able to say ‘no’ was often cited by the women as a positive example of their control of the situation.” The researchers also found examples of non-consensual penetration either with a finger or penis in a ‘try it and see’ approach in the hope the girl would not stop them.That’s why being really aroused before any penetration is attempted is so important, along with feeling confident that your partner will stop if you ask them to.This is because the anal sphincter is likely to clamp shut at the first sign of pain or anxiety.

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